Sunday, April 22, 2012

Conflict

One of the many things my hubby likes to poke fun at me for is the fact that I don't understand electricity.  I what it is and the basics of how to handle it but I cannot comprehend how electricity gets from wind turbines to the socket in my wall.  On our very long drive home from our honeymoon trip, we passed a few turbines and the conversation came up.  After and hour or so of trying to explain it to me and seeing that I had not understood a word he was saying(in my defense it was because he was speaking nerd-talk) he looked at me and said, "Sweetie, there are wizards in the towers and they wave their magic wands and abra-cadabra! there is electricity in our house!"  That works for me.  Okay, I know it's dumb, but it works for me.  I don't really need to know how it works as long as it does work. 
The same conversation arose once when my brother(who is a gifted mechanic) was explaining what was wrong with me car.  After talking about gaskets, seals, pistons and doohickeys I politely told him that, gas goes in my car and my car goes forward.  Simple.  I was taught the basics of car care, how to change the oil, tires and the basics of checking the engine.  As a practical person I know that oil is a lubricant and therefore it must lubricate parts of my engine and is therefore, very important.  The rest of it...I don't really need to know.  That's why I have a handy hubby and brother who is willing to fill in hubby's knowledge gaps.

So now that you know my personality this part will make more sense to you.  I believe the Bible is true from front to back.  I believe that, with the exception of parables and prophecy, it is literal.  Because I do not need to know the how's and why's of everything, my faith is easier.  This is great for me.  This is a problem for when I am sharing the Bible or my faith.  I cannot count the times that people have asked me "How?!"  and I don't have an answer because to be honest, I don't care how.  This is a major flaw that has recently come to my attention.  So my new goal is to learn.  While I personally do not require the knowledge of how God created the world in only seven days, or where dinosaurs went, others do.  And if I am to reach others I need to be able to give them more than my usual glib response of, "I don't know.  I just believe."  As a person who was raised in a faith filled home it's easy for me to say that God did it all and never question it but that isn't fair to those who do have questions. 
I have taken a few spiritual gift tests in my life and I know that preaching, missions and teaching are NOT areas in which I score highly.  I score very high in exhortation.  Yay.  Look up what exhortation and you will know why I am being sarcastic.  Exhorting a person doesn't usually endear a person to you.  Especially when your lowest scoring spiritual gift is Mercy so when exhorting someone you have to pretty much have to constantly be reminding yourself that God loves this person and so should I.  I firmly believe that people should cultivate their spiritual gifts because that is what God has given them and He obviously wants us to use them.  However, I also believe that the areas in which we are not gifted should be where we strive to grow.  This week I heard that "Conflict is the most profound crucible for change."-Nancy Ortberg.  That phrase applies to so many situations.  Conflict in a marriage can strengthen or beak that marriage.  Conflict in a friendship can completely turn that friendship on its head.  Conflict in our own lives can cause us to grow or stunt.  I do not like studying or learning things that are boring to me and this is obviously not something I am gifted in so it is a conflict to force myself to do that.  I also don't like preaching/testifying/Bible thumping, and obviously that is a conflict with what I believe God calls his followers to do.  I am hoping and praying that this conflict with bring about a change in me and, though I may never really understand why people need the answers and can't just believe, I at least will be able to share some answers to help lead them to Christ. 

Monday, April 16, 2012

Home Proud.

This morning I began to change Emily's diaper and realized there weren't enough wipes in the container for the nice little present she left me.  So I quickly wrapped her back up and ran to her room for more wipes.  Upon returning I found Molly chasing Emily with a wet wipe whilst Emily crawled across the floor with a half undone diaper leaving me---oh lets call them "drops of Love"---all over the carpet.  I carried Emily to the bathroom and rinsed her head to toe because of the "Love" that had squished all over her knees and legs.  Sigh...what a way to begin a week.

Anyone who watches the Nate Berkus Show will know that he talks about being "House Proud" all the time.  Maybe it's because I have always wanted a beautiful home that I can show off, maybe because so many of my friends have beautifully decorated, nicely furnished, gorgeous homes or maybe because I tend towards a petty nature, but lately I have been longing for a nicer home.  Not a different home...I like my house.   Just in nicer shape.  We are in the process of redoing some major projects and my imagination can carry me away sometimes.  I have a picture in my head of how I want my house to look and I want it NOW!  I want nice carpet, nice furniture, decorations that match and most of all, a room where I can put toys.  I do not have any of those things.  Nor will I have them anytime soon...well I will have the family room but my "soon" and Jared's "soon" are two different things.  I was starting to get cranky.

Last week when I was making plans for my home I kept getting this feeling that maybe I was forgetting something.  I had the feeling when I was shopping, when I was cleaning and when I was sitting at my computer.  Finally I was so annoyed at this niggling feeling that I got up and wandered around the house trying to jog my memory.  I firmly believe that "feeling" I was having was God telling me to get up and look around.  I started to notice things.  Things like, "Good grief! We have way too much food!"  "I need to go through the clothes and get rid of some because we have WAY too many!"  "The bathroom looks so much nicer than it did 2 years ago!"  And then it began to make sense.  I had been wanting something beautiful and bragworthy (yes, I did just make up a word, grammar police!) and the whole time I was sitting in the middle of God's blessings.  So I sat down with a piece of paper and listed them.  In the middle of the living room floor just looking around I covered the page, front and back, with gifts from God.  My children and husband were at the top of the list of course but as I looked at the pictures on my walls(those that know me well know that "art" is diddly squat to me compared to photos of those I love) and listed 2 dozen people whom I love and love me.  I have a house that was a huge blessing even though we didn't know it when we bought it.  Sometimes I need to be smacked upside the head and thankfully I have a God who knows that about me.

 Perhaps some people wouldn't want to live in my house with its two bedrooms and only one toilet(which I admit is not fun when pottytraining!) but I know that Jesus is here with us.  When we are singing and dancing or having a pj's day or generally making fools of ourselves in our little home, God is smiling at us.  Because doesn't call us to be happy once we have a nice house.  He calls us to be happy with the gifts He has given us.  By not rejoicing in the home I have been given and celebrating His gifts I was practically rejecting them.  My ungratefulness was saying, "Not good enough God!  I want better presents!"  I definitely deserved a smack in the head for that one!  There are a great many people in my life whose faith has been an inspiration to me and none of them have had nice homes, money, or even nice cars, but I never noticed...because they were HAPPY!  And they praised God for what they had.  Everyday.  Lesson for Kaitlyn maybe???

I may not have a house that can be featured in a magazine, (or even in a blog for fear you will see the stains covering my carpet!) but I do have a home.  A home given to me by a good God.  A home where I can teach my babies how to Love and respect and be thankful.  A home where they will grow and make messes and memories.  And I am Home Proud!  So when I whipped around to yell at Molly(after cleaning up the baby) for getting poo all over my floor and she grinned a big proud grin declaring, "Mom I help!  I change Emmy!", I sat down on the floor and pulled her into my arms and told her that she was a big helper and she did a great job....then I told her she needed to help Mommy clean the carpet.  Which she did...while singing...because my child loves to clean...shes weird.  I spent 30 minutes cleaning yuckiness out of the ONLY carpet in the whole house!!!!(How does this always happen on the carpet!!!)  But it was okay.  Because this is not a dream house but a house in which to dream.  Not a lovely house but a home well loved.  Not a show home but a home in which to show our love.  Someday I will have a mansion in heaven but until then, I will try to use my little home as a place to lead my children to their own mansions in heaven.

 Maybe someday I will have a beautiful house with pretty furniture but at this point in my life, I am happy I have a home where spills and stains are just spills and stains and nothing more.